I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
