i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
