my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
