when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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