well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
