May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
