we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
