would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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