you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
