I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
