My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize