They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
