Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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