These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
