Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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