Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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