the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
