It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Duck Duck Cougar?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
