Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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