i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
