He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
