did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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