It's Friday. Sex?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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