i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
