the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
