She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
