Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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