We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
