You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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