Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
