My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
do nipples grow back?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
