Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
handjob tips. give me some.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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