kristin has been a bad kristin
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
