Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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