Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
