DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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