dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
