well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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