At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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