Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
