What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
