i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
