umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
