Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
