Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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