so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
