dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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