Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
