The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
