dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
