No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
