i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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