the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
