Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize