ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
try to milk me bitch
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