I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
