She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
kristin has been a bad kristin
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
