Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
