genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
