I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
