This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
