Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
