Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
