Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
