i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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