is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
