Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
